Carlos Bastarache: Screen-Shot-2018-01-03-at-11.54.59-AM.jpg

see how I told my boss to take this job and shove it!

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Snow is always going to be a part of life in the northern United States, but “mega storms” seems to be happening with increasing regularity. Whether you’re bracing for the “Bomb Cyclone”, new to a city that gets buried by the white stuff, or have an unwelcome surprise sitting in the weather forecast for your usually balmy climes, here’s some advice from the Uproxx team on how to handle it.

Zach Johnston — Stock up on food you can cook over a fire or on a gas stove.

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Okay, you can cook all food over a fire… in theory. But, let’s be practical here. If you open a can of beans, you can cook them easily. They literally come in a little metal pot for cooking without that pesky and melty plastic handle. So canned foods are a great resource when the power goes out. Potatoes and most tubers are also really easy to cook over a fire. Just wrap them up in foil and throw them near the heat for an hour or so. Tasty and nourishing starch awaits.

And stock up on water. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to make a Costco run and buy a million plastic bottles that’ll end up in the ocean later this month. Potable water comes straight from your tap, all you have to do is store some (try a clean cooler). If you’re super worried about the quality of your water, boil it on that aforementioned fire for ten minutes then cool it the snow … or make tea.

The point is to have plenty of water on hand and not overuse new plastic that ends up in oceans and landfills.

Dan Seitz — Shovel during the storm.

Yes, it sucks. Yes, it is miserable, wet, cold, and a host of other things that are Not Fun. But you know what sucks worse? Waking up from a food/booze coma while hibernating during a storm and discovering you’ve got all the snow to shovel.

And since long underwear is for children and for prospectors in outhouses, wear tight-fitting running gear under your clothes if you go out. It’s more breathable, it moves more easily, and you feel less goofy when you take off your giant bulky pants and parka.

Side note: If you’re an adult, buy a pair of Carhartt overalls. They are the only rational form of snow pants.

Stacey Ritzen — Plan for your pets.

You may have remembered to stock up on bread, milk, and (most importantly) booze before the snowstorm, but don’t forget about taking care of your furry friends! Your doggo may love playing in the snow, but pups get cold feet too! And depending on how furry your dog’s paws are, the snow may cause ice to clump between his or her toes. Thankfully, there’s no need to spend a lot of money on expensive dog footies. For around $10-$15 (on Amazon) you can get a 12 pack of waterproof, reusable dog boots which are basically like balloons that go around your dog’s ankles — which have the added benefit of looking ridiculous.

If your dog needs to be able to walk around on cleared driveways and walkways, you may also want to invest in some non-toxic pet-safe, paw-safe ice melt (which can also be found on Amazon). At $15 plus, this will run you considerably more than regular rock salt, but isn’t man’s best friend worth it?

Ryan Nagelhout — Learn to have fun inside.

As a lifelong resident of Buffalo I’m allowed to say that winter weather can not only be survivable, but enjoyable. Sure, the outdoors can kill you. So be safe about it. Take your time with the shoveling and, otherwise, stay inside. Play a board game. Have a drink or two. Use the oven to make a nice meal and warm yourself up. Maybe watch that show on Netflix you’ve been meaning to get to. Until your bare necessities like food or power disappear, just relax and try to enjoy the day off. Unless you work from home, in which case your snow day is just called ‘Thursday.’

Brian Grubb — Enjoy yourself… unless you work at home.

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I enjoy working from home most days because my commute is the 8-10 feet from my bed to my desk. For me, this is good. It also means that when we have renegade 70 degree Fridays in February, I can spend the entire afternoon working on my patio, in shorts, in the sun, drinking iced tea. This is extremely good. There is, however, a flip side to that coin. While much of the Northeast gets blanketed in snow this week, and many of you justifiably use it as an opportunity to stay home and binge-watch TV shows from your couch, I will be working, as usual, because not only is “poor conditions” a non-existent excuse to miss a day of work when “going to work” does not involve going outside, but it also means any other reason for missing work is invalid, because I’m stuck inside, where work is. This is less good. I am not built to be responsible when other people are having fun. It hurts me.

I’m aware this is just whining, and not even particularly good whining at that. I just hate winter so much, and the snow, and the one silver lining in it all — a guilt-free excuse to take a weekday off and have beer with lunch — is no longer available to me. It’s not fair.

(It is fair. I know. Leave me alone.)

Allison Sanchez — Know what’s closed & stock up on booze.

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In 2011, I lived in Chicago and experienced the third worst blizzard in the city’s history. As a survivor of snowpocalypse, my biggest prep advice is to have multiple routes ready to or from anywhere you need to go. And CHECK REPORTS FOR STREET CLOSURES. I lived on the north side of the city and worked in the South Loop. So I took Lakeshore Drive every day (if you don’t know Chicago it’s a highway-ish street that runs along the lake). On D-day, my work closed half a day early when it was clear things were only getting worse. Had others not been more prepared than I and warned me that the news reports said that Lakeshore was getting bad, I would have gotten on it, and been stuck for days. People were trapped in cars after it closed down for hours and hours and cars were buried for far longer. Don’t be a dummy like me. Make sure you have a safe route home so you can snuggle in with a Hot Toddy and watch the snow fall.

And speaking of, my second piece of advice is the most important: STOCK UP ON BOOZE. The best part of an adult snow day is getting day drunk on adult beverages. Don’t be the fool who only has a quarter bottle of old Chardonnay in the back of the fridge. Live your best blizzard life and have the amount of booze you’d get for the open bar at an Irish wedding and then double it.

Jason Tabrys — Pay someone to do your hard work.

Shoveling is terrible and also hazardous. Heart attacks, pulled muscles, a sour disposition and a frozen face. You should not do it but nature is mean and it does not care about your face. That’s why I suggest taking money and giving it to people who will shovel for you. People with plows on their trucks or industrious kids who are saving for an Xbox or something. I don’t know and you won’t care. But you will care about how much easier your life will be if you just pay others to do unpleasant things for you.

Andrew Husband — Savor the binge.

Binge-watch Netflix (or Amazon, Hulu, HBO Go — I might have a problem), playing video and computer games, and reading to pass the time are great snow day activities. Yet these can be very insular — which is great for an hour or two, but the entire day? What if, as will perhaps befall those of us in New England, you’re stuck inside your apartment or its vicinity for nearly 48 hours? To make matters worse, what if the power goes out? Follow a modified version of Steve Bramucci’s recent advice and go outside… inside your home.

This can be figurative, as in go “outside” your usual stay-at-home routine. So instead of binging all the things on Netflix and stealing all the cars in Grand Theft Auto V, I may spend most of my snow days playing board games with others. (Or various dominoes games, for which I bought a set to teach my greenhorn partner about.) This can also be literal, as in visit neighbors or friends in your building if possible. Since all three units in my place are connected via the same main stairwell, we’ll often bug each other throughout the day. Plus, walking up and down the stairs feels great after sitting around all day.

Steve Bramucci, Life Editor — Have a lot of sex.

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I live in California because this all sounds miserable to me, but I thought the whole point of being snowed in was to have crazy sex romps. Either way, I’m sticking to my advice: Turn up the heat… literally.