I always thought things that sounded too good to be true usually aren't told why discovered this!
You know how you can gripe about your relatives all day, but as soon as someone else insults one of them you’re ready to flip a table and start a multi-generational, Hatfields versus McCoys feud set to a background chant of “JERRY, JERRY, JERRY”? Twitter has applied the same “I can talk sh*t but you better not” principle to home town and home state pride.
The tweets all follow this similar format:
Me in Alabama: fuck bama
Me anywhere else: Alabama, land of the sweetest tea and brisket crafted by Saban's angels. Such a breathtaking countryside view, you can hear "roll tide" be whispered by the gods & banjos coming from up above.Sweet home, Alabama. Sweet home(sheds tear) https://t.co/pxErVuw5Lq
— adriana (@adrianaalewis) November 25, 2017
Every state got a rousing defense from someone who would badmouth their birthplace while home for Thanksgiving but swell up with home town pride while far from home.
Massachusetts, for example, runs on Dunkin’:
Me in Massachusetts: Mass is so boring
Me anywhere else: Mass is the most glorious historical commonwealth in the union. Clam chowder runs through my veins. I have never pronounced an R. Paul Revere is my baby daddy. I once swam across the harbor wearing colonial garb.— Maddie Yardley (@maddieyardley) November 25, 2017
Me in Massachusetts: Mass sucks
Me anywhere else: Massachusetts is where the revolution started we basically started the country. My first word was wicked and my mother breastfed me iced Dunkin’ coffee. I had road rage before I could walk. https://t.co/4H6NFjAb8U
— Kyle Manley (@tsmoochiewall) November 25, 2017
And some states are the go-to if you want a pet alligator or a lobster beloved:
me in louisiana: this place is a hellhole
me anywhere else: I once ate ten pounds of crawfish in one sitting. yes, I put tony chachere's on everything including cereal. laissez les bon temps rouler! *wipe me down plays in the background* I miss my pet alligator https://t.co/c7pJP000iU
— amanda (@mandamarieidk) November 24, 2017
Me in Maine: Maine is boring lol
Me anywhere else: Maine is the most beautiful state in the country. L.L. Bean has truly perfected the art of boot-craft. I once rode a moose to the top of Mt. Katahdin. I got legally married to a lobster at a lighthouse. I bleed pine sap. https://t.co/6lotwVcDxO
— hayd (@haydrodrigue) November 24, 2017
Colorado sounds fun:
Me in CO: Colorado is average
Me anywhere else: Colorado is the best. We have mountains in our backyards. The centennial state? I know you’ve heard that phrase. My blood type is craft beer. My middle name is weed. I don’t even have to look at the sunset because it’ll be on Snap https://t.co/Wop6JVWVt2
— Bob Ross fan account (@jellyfish_guy) November 27, 2017
Some states call for a sacrifice to prove your love:
me in NH: new hampshire is ok
me outside NH: i was baptized in lake winnipesaukee. adam sandler is my third cousin. sales tax? don’t know her. apple cider courses through my veins. i’ll shove a keen state pumpkin out my ass if i have to. mt. washington is where i’ll get married
— olivia (@oliveiafink) November 29, 2017
me in ct: connecticut is boring
me anywhere else: connecticut is the best state. my middle name is chris murphy and I was born in the yale bookstore. i actually invented uconn basketball, i will shove an entire pepe’s pizza up my ass https://t.co/FAi8bFCnsc
— christmas tea (@Olviiaaa) November 26, 2017
Other states are just happy to be noticed:
Me in Alaska : i hate it here
Me everywhere else : Alaska is the biggest state and the most appreciative towards native Americans. My first word was northern lights. My bestfriend is literally a ptarmigan. I live on a glacier with my family of 100 moose. I bleed forget me nots. https://t.co/hQRNZ9f0Av
— Mistlehoe Em (@EmelyR1) November 26, 2017
Me in New Jersey: God its's so fucking overcrowded
Me anywhere else: I was baptized in a jughandle the first words I uttered were "20 cash regular" You've never even SEEN an actual a bagel, my gallbladder is pure pork roll, Bruce Springsteen is literally my dad https://t.co/Xellf4ea0e
— Pepper Brooks (@JoeyDFB) November 27, 2017
Me in Ohio: ohio sucks its just corn fields and potholes
Me anywhere else: scarlet and gray are the only two colors i see. i was born in a buckeye tree. the pumpkin show runs through my veins. cedar point is the only amusement park. im getting married in a kroger. https://t.co/Gy5THontOq
— seth (@sthrvs) November 26, 2017
Me in Florida: this state is so fucking hot I hate this tourist attracting, mosquito ridden swamp land I’m melting
Me anywhere else: I live where you vacation! I drink orange juice every morning and eat Pub Subs every meal. My mother is an alligator, my father is Mickey Mouse https://t.co/XqKfmzbdEC
— S t e p h (@snreifschneider) November 26, 2017
me in MN: ew u cold bitch
me anywhere else: Minnesota Nice is tattooed on my ass. I bleed lake water & bathe in Caribou coffee. I can withstand -30°F temps wearing just a flannel. My father is Paul Bunyan & my first word was “uffda.” I married a walleye at Prince’s Paisley Park. https://t.co/joJWfSHZJI
— the artist formerly known as rinsk (@0leski) November 26, 2017
Me in Iowa: Iowa winters suck I need to move somewhere warm
Me anywhere else: Iowa is the backbone of this country. Our farmers are essential to this economy. My mom is a corn stalk and my dad is a can of Busch Light. I eat a side of ranch with every meal https://t.co/OAN6M1cZdk
— Clarice LeBlanc (@clariceleblanc) November 26, 2017
me in South Dakota: I hate this homogenous tundra
me anywhere else: Have you seen a jackrabbit run? The badlands is the most underrated national park. Tom Brokaw. Could you drive at 14? Because I could. https://t.co/RDpWUmaUYa
— K. Hansen (@kiesehansen) November 27, 2017
Me in Kentucky: I haven’t breathed clearly in 5 years theres too much pollen I hate the ohio valley
Me anywhere else: Finger lickin’ good. I could play college basketball before I could walk. My father was a bottle of burbon & my mother was a racehorse. I’ve never touched a shoe. https://t.co/bUneQ1GBMq— nicole (@NicoleMartin__) November 27, 2017
Me in Delaware: Can't wait to leave Murdertown, USA!
Me anywhere else: Imagine yourself running into Joe Biden while tax-free shopping at the Christiana Mall. With lush wildlife & pristine beaches on either end of the state, stop by Wilmington for arts, dining & entertainment. https://t.co/CpVP3o3HSN
— meesh (@meezyreezyy) November 24, 2017
Me in Oregon: I hate this place.
Me anywhere else: Oregon has the most gorgeous scenery and should be on the cover of every National Geographic Magazine. I grew up in Birkenstocks and Patagonia sweatshirts. My first sippy cup was a hydro flask & I was breast fed Dutch bros. https://t.co/QSsqOwEvnz
— Karrington Troyer (@Karri_Troyer) November 28, 2017
Me in Washington: get me out of this hellhole
Me anywhere else: Washington is incredible I’m married to bigfoot. I was literally born on a snowboard going down Mt. Rainier. I bleed black coffee. You’re not vegan? What a shame I’m actually half apple. https://t.co/cPgqbVRybb
— riley (@ryy_taylor) November 29, 2017
me in tennessee: tennessee is boring lol
me anywhere else: tennessee is God’s gift to the south and the greatest state in the union. i learned how to brew sweet tea before i could walk. my mother is dolly parton and my father is a moon pie.
— Everything TN (@Everything_TN) November 27, 2017
Me in Texas: I hate this country ass hell hole can't wait to get OUT
Me anywhere else: The Texas flag? ICONIC. I bleed sweet tea & ride longhorns to school. I eat queso with every meal. Ever heard Deep in the Heart of TX? BANGER. We invented high school football. https://t.co/uLcM4wPNUW
— SIETE (@SieteWhite) November 27, 2017
me in Maryland: this place is the armpit of America
me anywhere else: l put Old Bay seasoning on EVERYthing. l learned how to pick crabs before l could walk. Our flag is so beautiful. l love the Chesapeake Bay. l have had sex with a blue crab.
— holly jolly jordank (@jordank1230) November 19, 2017
Me in North Carolina: NC is so boring
Me anywhere else: We have the beach AND the mountains. Asheville is the San Francisco of the East coast. Sweet tea runs through my veins. Michael Jordan is my father. It’s pronounced Appa-LATCH-un you uncultured swine. https://t.co/XBthTy6mh4
— ♡ kristen ♡ (@mamakristenn) November 27, 2017
Me in Pennsylvania: Pa sucks
Me anywhere else: Pennsylvania is Home to the one and only liberty bell. I was born on the field of Gettysburg where my father Benjamin Franklin invented Hershey’s chocolate on a cheesesteak. https://t.co/vb6F37vXIJ
— Brighid (@jakeefswag) November 26, 2017
In some cases, part of a state was singled out for praise:
Me in NOVA: nova sucks it’s so boring
Me anywhere else: we make up a THIRD of VA, we should just become our own state. I had an internship in DC before I could walk. I’m in a committed relationship with traffic. I fought on Manasas battlefield in the civil war. https://t.co/mjvyCkVoXU
— Jeremy Smith (@jeremygsmith1) November 21, 2017
While some people took their home state love down to the city level:
Me in Chicago: fuq this it’s cold
Me anywhere else: Chicago is the 3rd largest city in America, and is much cleaner than LA and NY. The violence is greatly exaggerated. My father is a deep dish pizza. I could play hockey before I could crawl. https://t.co/lEDA1WsQhG
— K (@kndagreat) November 25, 2017
Me in NOVA: nova sucks it’s so boring
Me anywhere else: we make up a THIRD of VA, we should just become our own state. I had an internship in DC before I could walk. I’m in a committed relationship with traffic. I fought on Manasas battlefield in the civil war. https://t.co/mjvyCkVoXU
— Jeremy Smith (@jeremygsmith1) November 21, 2017
And Canada (America’s 51st state) even got a shout out:
Me in Canada: why is winter 9 months long?
Me anywhere else: I bleed maple syrup. I rode the Maid of the Mist before I could crawl. I knew Drake before he was famous. The beaver is a beautiful and majestic creature. https://t.co/7w0C2H7H5R
— Lauren (@Lauren_deOlive) November 25, 2017
It’s true. The beaver is a beautiful and majestic creature. Whereas some places weren’t singled out to be described as beautiful or majestic.
me in utah: Utah is trash
me anywhere else: yeah I'm still right every where else is better https://t.co/tUSkiM1uqq
— Aejia Nalenee (@souljaAej) November 26, 2017
Womp womp. Better luck next meme, Utah.
see how I told my boss to take this job and shove it!
from Carlos B2 http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/uproxx/features/~3/vbQbMXgY1dI/
via carlosbastarache216.blogspot.com/
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