Carlos Bastarache: posters-grid-uproxx (14)

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This week in This Week In Posters we begin with… aw, son of a bitch, fresh out of the gate you’re going to assault me with child actor hair? Ugh. Parents: don’t let your children become child actors. And if you are, at least give them a damn haircut. Also, poster designers, if you absolutely need to get the stars’ faces in there, come up with a better solution than random squares.

[all posters via IMPA]

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How many characters are there in The Avengers: Infinity Wars? So many that even the character posters have multiple characters in them. I’m not sure how they decided these ones were “green,” but here we are. As I’ve said, in poster parlance, sparks/debris flying everywhere = lots of action.

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This one makes it looks like Cap is dead. Also, is there a more worthless storyline in the Avengers universe than Bucky? I feel like they’ve been teasing this guy’s story for like seven movies now.

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I feel like I need a jewelers’ loupe to decipher these Avengers posters. I do see that Scarlett Johansson is featured prominently. In a universe that features a talking raccoon, a tree, a Norse God and a Spider-Man I’m glad they still save room for a girl who knows jiu-jitsu.

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I wonder if the big guy wants to destroy the universe in this one. That would be a big twist, am I right?

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Wait, so do the colors mean something? Are they breaking the Avengers into a blue team, a green team, a red team, etc? Maybe it explains all of this in the tiny font.

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You know, I’ve always wanted to watch these ladies get together for a nice salad. Are those lens flares in the background? Is the house so spotlessly white that it’s exploding in luminescence? I guess that makes sense.

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I gather that this film is about voting. Very conceptual. It feels like we’ve come full circle when a documentary about voting is referencing a poster for The Purge that was referencing a button about voting.

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The darkest minds? You think these fresh-faced youths are actually composing Norwegian black metal music in those heads? This seems more like the most precocious minds, or the most inspiring minds.

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One of the “crucial creators of modern cinema,” eh? Does that mean there are non-crucial creators of modern cinema? And if the guy who directed Dog Eat Dog (legitimately one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen) and The Canyons isn’t one of the non-crucial creators, who is? It really makes you think. I guess that’s why he writes for The New Yorker.

You think the burning is because he has “a fire inside?” Discuss.

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I will forgive the mismatched faces and names in this one, because I like that they’ve assembled the entire town in one place to marvel at the heroine’s considerable moxie, which feels like a scene that will be in this.

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Well, this certainly looks costumey. This is actually a movie about Oscar Wilde, who looks like he’s about to be attacked by God according to the poster.

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If Christian Bale ever stops getting work as an actor he could have a fine career as a facial hair model. The man grows a damn fine mustache.

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“This house knows what makes you tick.”

Ah, because it has a clock in the walls, you mean? What a strange premise.

(*Charlie Day voice*) “Oh you got a clock in your walls? Now you’re speaking my language.”

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“Greetings, fellow kids. I see we’re all leaning our heads back and opening our mouths and taking a relaxed attitude towards work.”

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This is easily this week’s best poster. The diagonal without tilting the horizon line, the depth created with font layers, the tagline… all great stuff.

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I don’t know, this flying wolf/giant gorilla/mutated crocodile movie doesn’t look exciting enough yet. Add some more sparks!

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Why is her face so dirty though? Will the movie tell us why she’s so dirty?

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I immediately assumed Mike Myers was playing British in this and I don’t entirely know why. Maybe because of the implication that it’s about trains? Discuss.

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Whoever drew this is a really good caricaturist. My first thought was “what is Nick Kroll doing in this basketball movie,” which means that the caricature was so good that I instantly knew it was Nick Kroll, even though Nick Kroll is dressed like a sporty basketball guy is something I’ve never seen before, even though it’s not a photograph. I also immediately recognized Shaq in old man make up. That’s a damn good caricature.

I assume this is like that one Nike commercial meets Bad Grandpa starring basketball players? And it’s a full-length feature? With Nick Kroll? This is going to be weird.